Listening to the Next Generation >> Mary Alexa

Just because only one parent is Greek, that doesn’t mean you’re not Greek. People try to tell me that, and I’m like you have no idea what you’re talking about.I go to Greece. I can speak the language now. I know the customs: the food, the music, the dances.

Got Greek? interviews Mary Alexa D. from the University of Michigan

My mom is of Greek descent. Her parents immigrated from Greece to the United States. My grandfather came to the United States when he was young, and went back to Greece to marry my grandmother. They settled in New York City where my grandmother still lives. My parents live in New Jersey, so it’s not far from her. My dad is not Greek at all. He was born in Wyoming and then moved to Montana where he went to college. After he graduated, he moved to New York. He got a job and ended up working at the same bank as my mom. That’s how they met. But at first, my mom hid my dad from her family, like in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Eventually, once they got married, her family accepted him. My dad loves going to Greece and is very close with both my grandparents. So it worked out well.

Q: What types of stories have your parents told you about when they got married?

A: Apparently, there were 400 people at my parents’ wedding. About 50 of them were from my dad’s side. So everybody else was either a relative or a friend of my grandparents and apparently had to be at the wedding. There was no choice. So they did have that big Greek wedding with the dancing and the music.

Q: Do you know where your grandparents are from in Greece?

A: My pappou [grandfather] was born in Perista, which is a little horio [village] in the region of Sterea Ellada [Central Greece]. It’s outside of Nafpaktos. It’s about an hour and a half away from Nafpaktos, which is where my grandmother was born.

Q: What did your grandparents end up doing in the United States to earn a living?

A: My grandfather had a flower shop in Manhattan on 86^th Street and 1^st Avenue. It’s not there anymore. But that’s what they did. When my great-grandfather first came over from Greece, he sold flowers on a cart, and then he eventually got a store. Since my grandfather was his only son, he inherited the store.

Q: What’s was it like growing up in your household with one parent of Greek descent?

A: It’s a little bit different than having both parents being Greek. When I was first born, both my parents were still working. So when they would come home, my mom would want to speak to me in Greek so I could learn it, but she didn’t want to do that with my dad around because then he wouldn’t understand what was going on since he didn’t know the language. So my brother and I never got to learn the language that way, which is unfortunate because now I have to take it here at college and I struggle. They tried to put me through Greek school. But then my brother didn’t have to go. So I didn’t want to go either. My family belonged to a church whose members had predominantly been born in Greece. So since most of the kids’ parents were born in Greece, they were miles ahead of me with the language. So we switched churches, and the church that we ended up going to had more intermarried couples. Two of my best friend are half-Greek and half-Cuban. But there are also 100% Greek families. So it’s a bunch of different mixes, which is also nice because English is spoken. So it’s easier for my dad to go to church now with us, instead of everything being in Greek.

Q: Did your dad convert to Greek Orthodoxy?

A: Not necessarily. Religion was much more important to my mother than it was to my father. So my brother and I are baptized in the Greek Orthodox Church, and we follow suit with that religion but not so much with Roman Catholicism. My dad is Roman Catholic. But he doesn’t go to Catholic church. He’ll come to church with us but won’t take communion. I think the main reason he came to our church in the first place was to get my brother to go because my brother would complain that my dad didn’t have to go to church. So my dad would go to help my mom.

Q: Is there any ethnicity on your dad’s side that he identifies with?

A: German and Irish. It’s kind of a mix. One side of his family has been in the United States since the Civil War. My dad is a huge history buff, so that’s the other reason why he loves going to Greece. He gets to see all the archaeological sites and stuff like that. We have documentation of our ancestors in the Civil War. And then the other side of his family came over around probably a little bit before my mom’s parents.

Q: Considering you grew up in northern New Jersey, did you ever visit New York City’s Astoria neighborhood?

A: I wouldn’t go that often purely because of means of transportation. It’s hard on public transportation to get from New Jersey to Astoria. It’s unrealistic and just too far. But once I was old enough to drive, my friends and I would go. Sometimes we would go out to a club, or we would just go to a kafeneio [Greek coffee house] and order frappe or crepes. We would go just to get out of New Jersey and do something different for one night.  But it was definitely nice to have that option every now and then to go.

Q: Do you view Astoria as a Greek cultural center?

A: Absolutely. All of a sudden you get in that part of Queens and all you see is Greek people speaking Greek. The subway stations have Greek on them. It’s definitely a different little world of culture, which is nice to get to every once in a while.

Q: When you were growing up, how did you explain your Greek heritage to your friends not of Greek descent?

A: Some of my good friends from school happened to be Italian or Armenian, and they have a similar close connection to their own cultures, especially my two Armenian friends. They went to Armenia the past two summers to do community service there, and they have a very strong connection with their Armenian friends. So they understand the similarities.  If there’s a big function, I’ll go with them or they can come with me because it’s so similar that it’s not different. But people who don’t exactly have that connection to their heritage, they enjoy coming and seeing the difference. Our Hellenic Student Association here just threw a big party, and I brought two friends who aren’t of Greek descent. They absolutely loved it and had a great time.  They’ve come and hung out with my Greek friends before. They love the culture and meeting the people.

Q: Tell me about how you’ve explored your Greek identity here on campus at University of Michigan.

A: I’ve been to Greece a couple times and when I came here, I already knew three people I had met in Greece. So it was kind of ironic to come to college and see them here rather than in the summer on the beach. I’ve also been taking Greek language classes since I got here. My conversation ability has improved tremendously. My yiayia [grandmother] tries not to speak to me in English anymore, so that’s also helped a lot. It’s nice to kind of expand on that and actually be able to hold a conversation for more than five minutes.

Q: What’s your involvement been like in the Hellenic Student Association here on campus?

A: I definitely wanted to be a part of the board and gain more of a leadership role in the club. So I’ve handled the website for the Hellenic Student Association. But as far as big decisions, everybody puts in their say and everybody decides what we ultimately want to complete. So it’s nice to be part of the decision making.

Q: In terms of identity, do you use terms like Greek, Greek American, American with Greek roots or something else?

A: Definitely Greek American. More so than German American or Irish American. Like I said before, my mom is just more connected to her culture and the fact that her parents are directly from Greece whereas my father’s parents aren’t directly from Germany or Ireland.  But I would love to go to Ireland. But I definitely say Greek American, or just American. But if someone asks about my ethnicity, Greek is always the first one on the list for sure.

Q: How do you see your connection to your Greek heritage?

A: It’s unfortunate that I don’t know enough about my other heritages. It’s more because my dad doesn’t know enough. My mom was always very involved in her heritage, going to Greece and speaking Greek at home. It was just automatically passed down to my brother and me. I think I  have also taken more of a liking to the Greek heritage than my brother. But I think that’s starting to change now that he’s getting a little bit older. But just because only one parent is Greek, that doesn’t mean you’re not Greek. People try to tell me that, and I’m like you have no idea what you’re talking about. I go to Greece. I can speak the language now. I know the customs: the food, the music, the dances. Just because one parent isn’t Greek, that doesn’t mean that you’re not.

Q: What’s been your experience when you’ve travelled to Greece?

A: It’s just relaxing. There are no worries when you’re there. Time stops. We didn’t go this past summer and my mom said, “I don’t know where this summer went. It just disappeared. I think it’s because we didn’t go to Greece and we didn’t have that down-time.”  When we go, we see family and we go to the beach. And that’s about it. It’s very relaxing and enjoyable.

Q: Do you see yourself wanting to return to Greece in the future?

A: Absolutely. Thankfully, my grandmother was able to buy an apartment in Nafpaktos, which is where she was born. So she goes back every summer. But eventually that apartment will become mine and my brother’s place. They’re already trying to change the deeds and trying to transfer it now because the inheritance taxes are ridiculous. My mom isn’t a citizen of Greece, but she’s trying to become one. I might also become one, which would allow me to work in Europe or even in Greece, or just to be able to travel within the European Union much quicker and easier.

Q: Have you ever thought about possibly wanting to work in Greece?

A: I don’t know about Greece. I wouldn’t know where to start and I definitely don’t think my language skills are up to par in the business world. So I would have to work a lot harder on the language and probably spend a year there just working on that alone to get a job there.

Q: On that note, have you thought about studying abroad?

A: Absolutely. But I do not want to go to Greece because I’ve been there and I want to try something new. I have taken Spanish in the past. I would love to become fluent in another language. I also find traveling and culture fascinating. I love learning about new cultures. I think that has a lot to do with the fact that I love my own culture so much, that I want to expand that knowledge and kind of embrace it all.

Q: My Big Fat Greek Wedding? Did you see this movie?

A: I thought it was hysterical. I just couldn’t stop laughing. My mom walked out and found she could relate to so many things. Even though most of the movie was so exaggerated, it’s still comical for anybody to see. It doesn’t matter if you’re Greek or not. You can always understand family quirks. But it was just great to see it from a very familiar perspective.

Q: Were there any characters in that movie you could identify with?

A: Definitely the women and shoving the food down your throat. My grandmother does that constantly. My mom is starting to do that now.  She’s growing into that habit of if you say you don’t want anymore, she makes you have another plate of food. In general, I could relate to the atmosphere, the Easter lamb, everybody having the same name, going to church. It’s very familiar to see on screen and it’s funny.

Q: A central theme in the movie relates to the main character not marrying someone of Greek descent. In your own relationship choices, and possibly thinking about a life partner, to what extent does your Greek heritage play a role?

A: It would definitely be nice to be with someone Greek. I would like to continue the Greek Orthodoxy with my children and have them be part of GOYA [Greek Orthodox Youth Association], which was very important to me throughout high school. Some of my best friends are from GOYA, whether they’re 100% Greek or half-Greek or what not. But if I happen to marry someone who was Roman Catholic and was very determined to do the same, that would be a little bit more difficult. But if I am happy with that person, then I would make it work some way or another. It would be easier, but definitely not a determinant. Especially since my dad is not Greek, I don’t have to do anything to prove who I have to marry. It’s not important as long as I’m happy with that person. That’s all that matters.

Q: Going forward, how do you see yourself staying connected to the Greek culture?

A: Definitely by keeping in touch with my friends. During Thanksgiving or Christmas, all my friends from GOYA [Greek Orthodox Youth Association] in New Jersey reunite because we’re all home visiting our families at the same time. I’ll stay connected going to church. Also going back to Greece. Having the apartment there is definitely going to help. We have a place to go. It’s just a matter of getting there. I definitely will stay connected.

Q: Thank you for the interview.

A: Thank you.