Listening to the Next Generation >> Billy

My relatives in Greece don’t speak a word of English and I speak as good of Greek as a tourist would. So the basic communication we have involves body movements. They ask me if I want to eat, and then point to their mouths and food. Or if I’m thirsty, they gesture to a glass. It’s funny how non-conversational we’ll be. But I appreciate the fact that they love me as much as they possibly can, and I love them with all my heart.

Got Greek? interviews Billy F. from Cal Poly Pomona

My father is Greek. He’s from around Tripoli, a small little village called Palaiopirgos. He immigrated from Greece between the age of 16 and 17 with three of his brothers and one of his sisters to Montreal, Canada in Quebec during what was a bad economic time, I believe. By the time my father was around the age of 21 or 22, he and one of his older brothers moved to California and met a bunch of Greeks here.

Q: What did your father set out to do to earn a living?

A: At first, he was going to study. But I guess didn’t work out for him very well. So when he came here to California, he actually went the traditional Greek route and opened up restaurants. So probably since the age of 25, my dad has been owning and running restaurants.

Q: Does he still own a restaurant today?

A: Yes. We recently had two. Now we just have one in Redondo Beach right next to the beach.

Q: What was that like growing up around the restaurant business?

A: My dad pretty much lives and breathes the restaurant lifestyle. He knows exactly from head to toe what to do, how to run it, with barely any educational background. My dad, I think graduated ninth grade at most. All his knowledge acquired from the restaurant was basic working and learning in the field. So that kind of migrated onto me. Since the age of 13, I’ve been working in his restaurants and help on the weekends. Eventually I progressed to managerial positions you could say. Took on more bookkeeping and responsibility with things like the payroll. When I was little and I would get in trouble, my punishment would be going to the restaurant at opening, which would be like five in the morning and work all day with no pay. That’s how involved my dad had me in the restaurant.

Q: Was it expected that you would help out, or did your dad give you some choice? How did it work?

A: It was very border line. My dad is a firm believer in me and my sister having an education and going to college. Neither of my parents went to college. My cousins have but we’re all around the same age. So it’s like we’re all first generation. All my Greek family is in Quebec. But growing up with a restaurant, it was always kind of the notion that he would assume I would kind of take over for him and run it and be part of the legacy of owning chains. But once I started college, he grew into the idea of me pursuing other interests. At first, he told me I should stick with the restaurant because I know it and it’s family. All that kind of Greek hoopla. But he’s now into the idea of me pursuing other careers that aren’t business-related at all. Like the idea of me writing, he’s actually been okay with it.

Q: Tell me about on your mom’s side. You said before we started the interview that she’s Mexican.

A: I find the Greek, and Hispanic or Latino sides, to be similar. Very strong personalities. My mom has an incredibly strong personality. My dad has an incredibly strong personality. And like the only way to win an argument in our house is who’s louder. Pretty much who can over-shout the next person. So growing up, it was a unique experience. All my blood-related Greek relatives are in Quebec and I have contact with them. We’re all really close. But I didn’t see them much because of the distance. So the family I grew up with was actually my mom’s family. My Mexican half: my grandmother, my grandfather, my cousins, my aunts, my uncles. Although my household was very Greek. My mom was baptized Greek Orthodox. She learned to cook Greek food. She did the whole church thing and fit in with the other Greek the moms. So naturally I saw myself as Greek. But then outside the house, I also had this Mexican identity. Two different cultures but very enmeshed.

Q: How did your parents meet?

A: The stories change depending if you ask my dad or my mom. But before my dad officially moved to California, he and one of his brothers were visiting an uncle here and they went to a Greek festival with him. And it just so happened that my mother and her best friend worked for a Greek man and went to the festival with their boss. So my parents met at the festival. I guess you could say it was a cosmic connection. The stars were aligned that night, whatever. I don’t know how they communicated. My dad’s third language was English after Greek and the French he learned in Quebec. Really, I don’t how good his English was. If you hear my dad now, he has the thickest accent you can imagine. None of my friends can understand him. So I don’t even know, back then, how his communication skills were. But somehow, my parents managed and they  were married two years later after meeting.

Q: Growing up, how did you explain your heritage to your friends not of Greek descent?

A: I had friends, and I had my Greek friends. My Greek friends understood my whole Greek background and they understood I was half Greek. A lot of my Greek friends were also half Greek: half Lebanese, half Mexican like me, half Italian, you name it. But with my other friends who weren’t Greek, it was very different because they didn’t understand the dynamic of being Greek. These were my Southern California friends, the guys I went to high school with. These were people that there was no association of Greek besides me. The only Greek they knew was in either what they learned in the history book or talking to me. I was the only Greek they knew. And then my Hispanic friends, I would talk to them in Spanish and they would be so confused because they see me more as Greek, for whatever reason I don’t know. But I would remind them I’m also Mexican. It was almost like I had an alter personality. When I’m among my Greek friends, I kind of tend to play up the Hispanic role and bring out the Latino in me.  I like to kind of set myself a little bit a part. It’s weird, that’s what I like to do.

Q: Did you grow up with Spanish and/or Greek being spoken around you?

A: My grandmother— my mother’s mother—has always spoken Spanish to me. She knows English but her English is as good as my dad’s, which is not anything to brag about. So I grew up very much around Spanish between my grandmother, my aunts, and my uncles. They all spoke Spanish. My grandma would always call me cute little Spanish names. But then when I was about ten or eleven, my dad wanted me to start learning Greek. So of course I went to Greek School on the weekend on Saturday all day. Sat there, did conjugations, did translations, did the alphabet, did the numbers. But I eventually stopped and ended up being a third grade Greek school dropout. But in my life now, I want to learn to speak Greek. I know Spanish pretty well. I’m more conversational in Greek and can get around very easily. I’ve started traveling to Greece in the summers, and have gotten more involved in Greek organizations that I was not part of growing up. Although I did Greek dancing for the last ten years of my life. That was the most Greek involvement I’d ever had. Now I’m part of the AHEPA [American Hellenic Educational Progressive Association] Sons of Pericles group. I also did the AHEPA Journey to Greece program in the summer. When I was in Greece on that program, I realized that I had never taken the language seriously. I had always kind of grew up around it. I can understand it when someone talks Greek to me. I have my own type of Greekish, Greek-English thing where my dad will speak Greek to me and I respond in English. I want to learn the language better.

Q: Talk about your experiences visiting Greece.

A: The first time I ever went to Greece was when I was little. So I don’t remember much of it. Then much later on, I went again with the AHEPA Journey to Greece program. The second I landed in Greece, I felt out of my league. I didn’t know how I was going to get around. But day by day, I got used to it and couldn’t wait to go back. Now it’s like when I’m there, I feel like I’m home. I’m sad every time I leave. I really am. It’s a huge part of my life now. Sometimes I think about it and I would not mind living there one day. It would be a great couple years of my life to take to myself. It’s like my daring half when I go there. It’s like my want-to-be-whatever-I-want-to-do kind of half. I feel I know myself a little better now and want to be more involved with the Greek side. That’s what made me get involved in all these programs and organizations.

Q: Have you met your relatives in Greece?

A: My relatives in Greece don’t speak a word of English and I speak as good of Greek as a tourist would. So the basic communication we have involves body movements. They ask me if I want to eat, and then point to their mouths and food. Or if I’m thirsty, they gesture to a glass. It’s funny how non-conversational we’ll be. But I appreciate the fact that they love me as much as they possibly can, and I love them with all my heart. My relatives barely know me. They met me once as a baby. When we are in Greece, they make it a point to drive all the way from Tripoli, which is about a two to three hour drive, to come see either my family or  me in Athens. They’ll just do it and make it happen even if it’s a five minute visit. Just because they love us and appreciate us as their family.

Q: Did you see the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding?

A: Oh yeah. My dad kind of made that a demand when it came out. I love the movie. I think it’s hilarious. It’s 99% on the ball about everything. My friends ask me if things in the movie are true, and I tell them for the most part, yes. Some things are kind of altered depending on the family. I’ve seen that movie many times.

Q: Were there characters in the movie you could relate to?

A: I think I’m a mix between the brother in the movie and the main love interest, the American guy Ian. The reason I pick the brother is because I have that personality. I’m aggressive when it comes to my sister. If a guy talks to my sister, I’ll tell him he’s cool but I’ll kill him if he gets two steps next to her and that I’ll head-butt him. So he’d be better off keeping ten steps away from her. I have a very  strong personality when it comes to my family. I get protective. As for the Ian character, I can relate to having that outside mentality. For example, every time I go to Quebec to see my Greek family. They’re very Greek like in every form of the word. You go to their house, there’s a big plate of food waiting for you. There’s not ever a reason. They insist you eat or drink something even if you are not hungry or thirsty. I love them. But at the same time, I feel the difference with them being only half Greek, as all my other relatives are full Greek. They all married Greeks. We’re very tight-knit with my cousins, and my uncles and my aunts adore me and I love them dearly myself. But I’ve always been that different key player in the family, not only culturally but also because of where I’ve lived. So I’ve always grown up in terms of those characters. That’s how I picture myself. One on hand, as the very protective and cocky joking brother; but also the distinguished outsider who’s learning to be with it as well.

Q: In terms of your relationships, or even thinking about having a life partner down the road, where does the Greek thing factor in?

A: My dad is very much old school Greek, or as you might say “horio” [village-style]. He’s been on the bandwagon that his son and daughter will marry Greek. It’s always been his mentality. But my sister and I always snap back at him and point out that he married our mom, who’s not Greek. Anyway, I picture myself liking a Greek woman. But they can have very strong personalities. But I also like Hispanic, too, because of my mom. I love Hispanic women. I find them very beautiful. I find the dark tone and the dancing very beautiful. But again, very strong personality. So either way, I think I’ve prepared myself to have a very strong woman in my life, who’s very outspoken. I’ve dated Greek, Hispanic, and women of other cultures completely. But Greek and Hispanic would be my mesh because I’ve only been experienced those two. I’ve been kind of leaning that direction.

Q: How do you describe yourself: Greek American, Greek, American with Greek roots, American, Mexican, Mexican American, something else?

A: I think the best terms are what my friends have made up. They call me a “Greek-xican” or a “Meek,” someone who is Mexican-Greek. I am also an American and very proud to be. But in terms of how it is for me culturally, I never say I’m American. I’ll say I’m American when I am in Greece. But I consider being American not my cultural identity. It’s more like where I’m from and my home. When people ask me what my heritage is, I say Greek and Mexican. I say my dad is from Greece and my mother’s family immigrated from Mexico. To say I’m American, yeah, I was born here. But I don’t have descendants from here. So I don’t actually know what it’s like to say I’m an American. Yeah, I can say an American in terms of I’m a citizen. But in terms of where I feel in my heart where I’m from and where my family’s been, I say Greek and Mexican.

Q: While you are in college, where are you living?

A: I live right next to school. I moved out of my parents’ house just when about I turned 20. That was a big controversy in itself coming from a family of Greeks and Mexicans. Another thing my parents have in common is that they’re very family-oriented. Family is tight-knit and stays together. My dad only left Greece because of the economic situation. But he always lived with his brothers and sisters for years on an end until he was older. The same thing with my mom. My mom didn’t move out right away.  My mom moved out when she met my dad. So moving out was probably the biggest step ever taken in terms of my family because my dad was used to having the family tight-knit, having everyone together. He’s all about brothers and sisters stay together. Stay close. That he’ll take care of us. But at the same time, it was kind of like being an American teenager. I didn’t grow up in the same way my mom or dad did. They grew up in their times and they have their ways of thinking. My way of thinking growing up was always that come college, it would be time to move out and be my own self. They never actually grasped that mentality because neither of them had gone to college. My parents could not understand that kind of culture. That American culture of come college, you move out. So to actually push my way out and say I have to go to college, I purposefully picked colleges far away. There are great colleges 20 minutes from my house. But I purposefully did not apply to them because I knew that if I did, my parents would make me live at home. So I picked colleges that were a minimum 45 minutes away, to the point where I couldn’t commute. Now I have my own apartment and I love it. My parents still give me a hard time for it. They think I don’t miss them or want to see them. I go as much as I can to see them. I love them. But I love my independence. I love not having to deal with that whole loud household. Oh my god, it’s wonderful. A little peace and quiet. I think that’s what adjusted my personality, to have a little peace and quiet. I appreciate that.

Q: In your apartment, do you have any things that you associate with your Greek heritage?

A: Yes. I have a couple icons, of course, and the cross I usually wear from my baptism. Also little souvenirs from Greece and little statues. My little 300 movie helmet. Had to have that. The most distinguished Greek thing would be the icons. My friends who come to the apartment always ask what the heck they are. I tell them they are Greek icons.

Q: For you, what does it mean being Greek?

A: To say you’re anything is to kind of commit yourself to one aspect. To be Greek is to say that I’ve connected with my heritage. I’ve connected to my existence of knowing my family, of knowing my culture. People can say it’s pride in your culture. It’s pride for your homeland. It’s pride for your family, which is true. You have much love and pride for your family. But I also think it comes into a persona that’s you. I think it’s when you say you are Greek, it’s kind of something you carry. It’s the thing you know that’s unknown: I don’t understand it but I know this is what I want to be. This is who I am. It’s that kind of thing that engulfs you and the kind of thing that grows with you as you get older.

Q: Are there any aspects of your Greek heritage that frustrate you?

A: I think a lot of the old school Greeks, like my dad’s friends here, who grew up in the village back in Greece. They grew up poor and now they’re like huge multimillionaires or whatever you want to say. They have a very old school mentality of, if you’re Greek, this is how you should be. Period. Even in terms of who you should date or what careers you should even think about. I’m pretty sure if there was a list of a Greek should be, they would hand it to me every day. I’ve had girlfriends that my dad’s Greek friends never approved of. They would tell me, “No, no, no. Who’s this? No, no, no, no.”  Or, they would ask me, “Why aren’t you working in the restaurant?” And I tell them that I’m in college. They also ask me why I don’t know Greek too well. It’s like they have these underlying laws of being Greek based on the way they grew up. What kind of frustrates me a bit is theses expectations of the older generations. Not all of them. But the very old school “horio” [village-style] Greeks that have this idea of what you should be. And if you’re not what they want, then they give you a bit of a hard time for it. I’ve come across that a lot.

Q: Going forward, how do you want to be connected to your Greek heritage?

A: I think through what I’ve been doing. For example, I’ve done Greek dancing and I’m so passionate about it. It was amazing. If I was younger, I’d still do some more. Being involved in more organizations. Visiting Greece more often. Not like I’m not going to go live in Greece for ten years of my life and I’ll be Greek when I come back. Right now, I’m doing the little steps I need to do to better appreciate and to understand, but to also maintain my own identity as well. I love being Greek and being a little different among my friends. Majority of my friends are different races but I’ve always been distinguished as “the Greek.” I know who I am. I know I’m Billy. I know my backgrounds. I know I appreciate where I’m from, my family, my cultures.

Q: Before we wrap up, is there anything else you’d like to share?

A: The best summarization real quick is I love the Greek culture. It’s fun. It’s different from what I’ve experienced and what I’ve grew up in. If people can go travel there more often, I think that would be an amazing opportunity to really be involved. I’m just recently getting involved so I wish I had been involved when I was a lot younger. But now that I’m involved, I see that wow, there’s so many people to meet, so many different faces to see and so many different areas of the Greek culture. I’m still exploring and still learning, and I’m loving every minute of it. So the best thing I would recommend to anybody would be to just to step outside and really try anything. Try a Greek group. Try Greek friends. Try Greek church. I don’t know. Anything. Anything that if you’re a Greek American, if you grew up like I did where you had the identity but you didn’t. Really push forward and learn more.

Q: Thank you for your interview.

A: Thank you.