Listening to the Next Generation >> Helen

I think that I associate hospitality with Greek culture, conversation, really taking time to savor things. Like spending a lot of time around the table and time over food.Just kind of soaking up the company and the flavors. Really just a love of music and dance, and kind a sense of living in the present. I associate those things with Greek culture.

Got Greek? interviews Helen H. from Temple

My mom is half-Greek. Her father’s side was Greek. I know that my great-grandparents were the ones who came over probably right at the turn of the 20^th century. Both of them were from little towns in the Taygetos Mountains right outside of Sparti [Sparta]. The towns are called Georgitsi and Kastori. But they met in Lowell, Massachusetts, which is kind of funny to me.

Q: What did your great-grandparents end up doing when they came to Lowell?

A: I think they came through Lowell and then pretty soon resettled in Pittsburgh, where my grandfather and his two brothers started a candy shop, which was the family business. It was called Antonoplos Brothers Confectionary. My great-grandfather helped to found the St. Nicholas Greek Orthodox church in Pittsburgh. My grandfather had eight other siblings, so they had a pretty big family out there. Many of them stayed in the Northeast. But my grandfather, John, was in living Georgia when he was in World War II. He was a mechanic, and got sent down to Fort McPherson. While he was there, he met my grandmother, who was the daughter of Scotch-Irish farmers from south Georgia. She and her sisters, I think she might have been at a dance that was like an entertain-the-soldiers type of mingle situation. So my grandparents met, wrote letters throughout the whole war, got married and had my mom and her sister, who both grew up in Atlanta, which is where I grew up.

Q: How was your mom brought up with regard to her Greek heritage?

A:  She was brought up very much with food and family stories. But she was not raised in the Orthodox church. So she wasn’t really raised within a Greek community. And because my grandmother couldn’t speak Greek, my mom wasn’t raised speaking Greek. So relatives like her yiayia [grandmother] would visit and cook food. Although my mom’s mother couldn’t speak Greek, here she was- the Scotch Irish girl- and she became quite an amazing Greek cook. The language pretty much drifted away. My grandfather died before I was born. So I wasn’t really raised speaking any Greek, except that my mom studied Greek when she was in college. The interesting thing is that kind of between her and her sister, my mom has always gravitated more strongly to the Greek thread in the family. So it’s something she’s actively cultivated. She went to Greece for a little while after college. She studied Greek in college. We were raised not speaking Greek but my mom raised us with the music all the time playing in the house. She taught us the hasapiko [a Greek dance] in the kitchen and we would dance around. She’s also a wonderful Greek cook. As a result of that, I have always grown up with a very strong sense of connection to the Greek culture. I’m studying the language now in college, kind of the same as her, though we worked on it just a little bit when I was younger.

Q: How do you see your Greek identity in regard to the rest of your identity?

A: I guess it’s always been an ingredient in the pie.  I remember at various times when I was little that I kind of wished I was all Greek.  I didn’t really understand why I felt connected to it. I’ve always kind of struggled with issues of legitimacy, I guess, because technically I’m only a fourth-Greek. I didn’t grow up in the church. So there are a lot of traditions I’m unfamiliar with. I haven’t had this huge Greek family crowding around or anything. So it’s really been something that we’ve fostered intentionally but somewhat privately as I have grown up. I remember being like, I wish I could be really the inside of the Greek scene. Who’s going to accept me if I’m just a fourth-Greek? The Greek church in Atlanta is very big, but kind of cliquish and hard to break into. I actually began to dance with the folk dance troupe there at the cathedral. That has ended up being a really good experience. But it took me a number of years for me to remotely feel I was accepted. People were kind of used to seeing me around. Yeah that’s something I’ve kind of gone back and forth about. But it very much feels like a part of me. At this point, I’ve come to more peace with the Texas part of me and the English part of me. But living in Greece made a difference. I studied abroad in Greece for 10 months.

Q: Tell me about that experience. What was that like?

A:  I went to a small fine arts program, which was American-run, on the island of Paros in the Cyclades. I was there for two semesters. In between, I lived with some extended family in Athens. That was really wonderful. It was really wonderful. I still struggled with feeling like I have all these reasons and all this desire to be just kind of in the bosom of this place. But I can’t speak Greek. Here I am at this American school, doing the rinky-dink American thing to some degree. But I really developed what I felt like was a very profound relationship with the land. I began to feel like the land understands me and the country, itself, would take me back. I felt I could find a place here even if I couldn’t speak as well as I’d like to.  Of course, the Greek people are so warm and were so thrilled to know I was kind of making this return to the homeland. The Greeks are all about the epic return to the homeland and the mother country. So I felt I was part of a good lineage in that way. Then the bit I could speak was really welcomed and so I’m still working on it and that’s exciting.

Q: What was that experience like with your extended family there in Greece?

A:  Well, that’s been an interesting story. Because the first time I went to Greece, my family went for a month when I was 16 and my brother was 14. We brought the family tree with us. Somebody at one point had drawn a picture of the family tree. It was like the Antonoplos roots tour. So we went to Georgitsi and were just going to see if we could hunt folks down. So we walked into the square and started talking in broken Greek with the little guys at the kafeneio [coffee house]. My mom started to explain, “My grandfather is from this village and here’s our family tree.” And sure enough, one of the guys sitting there right at the table says, “Well, I’m Dimitris Antonoplos and my brother made that family tree.” We were like, Oh my gosh! Minds blown. So I think they were leaving the village the next day because they had been there for the summer. But when we came back through Athens, they took us out for this lavish dinner and we were in touch with them ever since. That was in 2000. So then when I went back to study abroad in Greece, I went and met some of their kids whom I hadn’t met yet, who are a little bit closer to my age. They agreed to let me stay with them over the winter break. That was really wonderful.  It was awkward in ways living with them because they were virtual strangers to me. But they were so gracious. My elderly uncle slept on a cot in the living room because they were determined that I would sleep in a bed. There was nothing I could do about it. So it was interesting. I felt so welcomed on one hand, but also really lonely on another hand because it was the first Christmas I had spent away from home. Christmas in Athens is little different than Christmas in Atlanta. But it was great.

Q: Had you studied Greek before?

A: I had studied a little before I left, almost always independently with books and tapes. Then for a little while during my time in Greece, I got a Greek tutor. The program I was going to study at made all these grand promises that they didn’t follow through with. So I was supposed to be studying Greek for the full year. But that fell through. So I got a tutor for probably about a month and a half in the spring, and I felt like I learned a lot from her. That was wonderful. She was wonderful. I would go to her house overlooking the sea and it was just the most beautiful thing. But since I’ve come back, I pitter away at it with my books. Then, this semester I signed up for the beginning modern Greek class because my grammar is terrible.

Q: So you’re staying connected that way?

A: I’m staying connected that way. I would love to re-engage in a dance troupe because I just really love the music and the dance. That’s a huge part of my sense of feeling connected to Greece. And there’s a kid in my class who said there’s a group out of the St. Demetrios church in Upper Darby [outside of Philadelphia] that has a pretty big dance troupe. So I may see what I can do to get involved with them.

Q:  Do you use terms like Greek, or Greek American, or American with Greek roots or something else to describe your identity?

A: I do. I guess it’s kind of tricky. There are a lot of people who know I’m part Greek, and especially they know how much it means to me and that I’ve studied over in Greece. So if it somehow comes up in conversation, they’ll say “Helen is Greek.” I’m like, “Well, a little bit.”  But I guess the technical term I would use would be Greek-American in the same way that I think I’m Scotch-Irish American. Americans tend to be mutts.

Q: Is your name, Helen, for somebody in the family?

A:  I am. I am named after my grandfather’s sister, Helen: Eleni. Also, my mom’s best friend from high school, who wasn’t Greek, was also named Helen.

Q:  So you carry that with you. What do you share with your friends about your Greek identity?

A:  I think it depends on which friend I’m talking to. The friends that are close to me know how much I care about it. They know it’s been almost a wound of sorts for a long time–kind of this aching spot in me, almost, that wants to be filled or needs to be nourished. So they know that’s why I went to Greece. They know that’s why I Greek dance. They know that is very much a part of my identity, something that directs my path to some extent- where I’ve lived and what I’m studying and who I know and the people that I get involved with. And my artistic work, too. I’m a dance major, and I want to start a dance company eventually. I actually did my senior thesis project in the spring. The piece was called Eleni’s Mythology of the Crossings. It was kind of my attempt to tell, through dance, this story of just all of the back and forth. The great-grandparents coming, people going to visit, my mother going over. People coming back and leaving–all of this kind of crossing of the seas that has happened to keep our family lineage alive.

Q: Where you live right now, do you have any objects that you associate with your Greek heritage?

A:  My mom just came down from Maine after cleaning out my Aunt Electra’s house . And she brought me an icon of Agios Georgios [St. George], who is the patron saint of our family. And I now also have some very Greek-centric coasters. I have a really funny little framed postcard of one of the soldiers standing outside the parliament building [Syntagma in Athens] basically with the foustanella [soldier’s outfit] and puffy shoes. In my room, I have photographs- black and white photographs that I took while I was over in Greece.

Q: When you think about relationship choices, and possibly having a life partner, does the Greek factor play a role at all?

A: Yeah, I definitely have thought about it. I don’t know. It’s an interesting mix. Many of the Greeks here have grown up in the Orthodox Church.  Oddly enough, I’ve found that many of them come from pretty conservative families, which is something that I did not come from. So I think my answer is if I could find a beautiful, Christian, artist, Greek man– I would be so thrilled to keep that strain in the family. Because it’s something I would really love to share with my children. It would just tickle me to death if they could grow up speaking Greek. But I’ve wondered if I just marry whoever, then my kids are going to be an eighth-Greek. It will take more work to keep that going. But I guess it’s hard to choose who you fall in love with.

Q: Have you seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding? If so, what did you think of it?

A: I enjoyed it. I thought it was kind of dear and that it was a pretty accurate slice of Greek family life in a lot of ways that kind of hit on some of these issues about romance and do you stay in the family and in the culture, or do you have wiggle room? Even just little things like the father always talking about the roots of words. From what I understand, that was what my grandfather would do. Then the quirky little habits, the Windex here and there. And the scene with all the women trying to cram into their shoes for the bridal party. My family has always joked about all of the women having these really long narrow feet, and how we think maybe it’s just a Greek thing, maybe not. I enjoyed it.

Q: Do you ever feel you’re carrying on your Greek grandfather’s legacy?

A:  Yeah, I do. I feel like it’s important to do that. I think that both my mother and I have been pretty intentional about doing that. It’s a proud thing for us. We’re proud of our culture and we’re proud of our family stories. We think they’re beautiful and the traditions are beautiful. And the food is wonderful. So it’s stuff we enjoy sharing. Every New Year’s, we always have a big dinner party and serve Greek food. That’s something her parents always did. So that’s something we now do. Who knows, maybe when I have my own home, that’s something I’ll do as well.

Q: What values do you associate with Greek culture?

A:  I think that I associate hospitality with Greek culture, conversation, really taking time to savor things. Like spending a lot of time around the table and time over food. Just kind of soaking up the company and the flavors. Really just a love of music and dance, and kind a sense of living in the present. I associate those things with Greek culture.

Q: What did you take away with your experience in Greece? Did you find that your interactions with Greek people in Greece was different than your interactions with Greek Americans here in the States? Were there similarities, or was it a different experience?

A:  That’s an interesting question. I think they were different. I think I became a lot more dramatic when I lived in Greece. Not in a drama queen type of way, necessarily. But very animated. Talking with your hands. Raising your voice and expressing how you feel about something. Maybe it’s an argument. But that doesn’t mean you’re not friends. You’re just expressing strongly. That was liberating because my mother is that way and I’ve always kind of been that way. Sometimes in the United States, people are sort of like, Whoa! Take a deep breath. I’m like, “I’m not freaking out. I feel strongly about this and I’m going to say it strongly because that’s who I am.”  In Greece, everyone does this. I was like Hallelujah! It all comes clear.

Q: Do you think there’s a difference in yourself before you went to Greece, and since you’ve come back after spending nearly a year there?

A:  I think there is. I very much noticed it initially because I came back and felt very assaulted by American culture. So I spent the first few weeks of school kind of feeling like I wanted to hide in my closet. Because everything was so loud and it was so fast. It was so dirty. I learned when I went to Greece to let go of a lot of those things. And that was part of why I wanted to go, to learn how to slow down and I did. In Greece, it’s like if you miss your bus, all it means is you have time for another coffee. You don’t freak out about it. Here, people are like always tearing their hair out. That was a really wonderful and liberating thing to fall into. So I’ve been trying to be conscientious ever since I’ve come back about allowing myself to be more relaxed or chill, for lack of a better word. I think I feel more connected to it than I did before. I think there was part of me that thought  I’ll spend a year in Greece to get my fill. I think at some level, it just made it worse, because now I miss it all the more.

Q: Do you see yourself going back to Greece, or even perhaps carving out time in the future to spend in the hometowns where your family comes from?

A:  I definitely do, and especially in the hometowns where my family comes from. I feel like those are not places that I’ve spent a lot of time. I think that would be an important thing to do. I have a good friend who is also Greek American, whom I met at that program on the island. She has basically been living in Greece ever since and is going through the long rigmarole, trying to get zoning to build a house near Volos. If and when that project starts, God willing- with the Greek bureaucracy as it is. She’s like, “It might take them two years to make a decision.” I would very much love to be a part of that process of building. We mused about trying to make it some sort of artist-retreat center, sort of an eco-village. She wants to build the house out of cob, a sustainable building material. So yeah, I’ve also wondered, too, about seeing if I could ever do something like get a Fulbright to go study with the Dora Stratou [dance troupe] in Athens and try to develop some artistic relationships there and continue to chip away at my work to fuse, to some degree, the Greek dance tradition with a more modern dance vocabulary- although that can be tricky, because I don’t want to dilute either one. I’d be interested just to see what that could look like.

Q: Before we wrap up, I do want to give you the opportunity if you want to say something we didn’t talk about that you wanted to bring up.

A:  I’m really excited that you’re doing this project. I’m excited that I was able to be a part of it, because I feel like my sense of connectedness with Greece has always been a bit of a mystery to me. So dialoguing about it is helpful. I feel like the Greek singers and the Greek poets are always onto something and sort of speaking truth when they talk about the Greek Diaspora and all of the people abroad that have this kind of unexplainable sense of longing for their roots. I feel like I have inherited that. They say it better. But I feel like I’ve inherited that. I think it’s a special thing.

Q: Helen, Thank you for your time.

A: Thank you.