Listening to the Next Generation >> Tania

I was in Greece over the summer and I brought my computer with me. It was funny because my cousins all listen to American music, but I listen to Greek music more. We loved each other’s music, so we just sat there one day and took our flash drives and traded music. It took an entire day. I gave them my entire music library, and they gave me theirs.

Got Greek? interviews Tania K. from Northwestern University

My father is an immigrant from Patras. He came to the United States from Greece when he was about 17 years old. My mother was born here. But her mother is originally from Kriti [Crete] and her father is from Karditsa. Her parents left Greece and first went to Canada before coming the United States in their early 20s. My father still has some family in Patras, but he has three sisters who now live in Athens.

Q: How did your parents meet?

A: They met through my thia [aunt], who was good friends with my father, at Saint Nick’s Greek Orthodox picnic here in Chicago. My aunt knew my father and introduced him to my mother and they got married shortly afterward.

Q: What was it like growing up with Greek heritage here in Chicago?

A: When I was growing up, my Greek heritage was always a very important part of my life. My first language was Greek. I went to a Greek day school, which is somewhat uncommon. I went to Greek day school from kindergarten to eighth grade. The school was part of the Saint Constantine and Helen Church in Palos Hills. It’s called Koraes. So we had several classes a day in Greek: Greek language, Greek geography, Greek history. We also had religion classes. I was also involved in different sports for my church. We played soccer, basketball. I did cheerleading. I wasn’t that good at sports. We also had GOYA- Greek Orthodox Youth Association, which I joined in eighth grade and did throughout high school. Every summer from after fifth grade until the summer before my senior year of high school, for two weeks, I went to Fanari camp in Wisconsin. It’s for Greek-Orthodox youth. A bunch of students in the Chicago metropolitan area went there. All the different churches would go there every summer. You could go either one or two weeks. I went two weeks just because I liked it. Actually last summer, I was a counselor there. So I try to still be involved in that. Another thing I’ve been pretty involved in is Greek dance. I did that from second grade all the way up through high school. When I graduated from eighth grade and was in high school, I went back to teach dance at Koraes, which was just across the street from my high school. My family, through my grandmother, is also involved with Faragi tis Samarias. It’s like a Cretan organization. It’s like a community of Greek people in the Chicago area who are all from the same group of villages in Kriti [Crete].

Q: What was the transition like going from a Greek day school to high school?

A: That was a really big transition. Everyone was exactly like me from kindergarten through eighth grade. Everyone I had ever known, our families were similar. Our parents had been friends since way before we were ever born. They all knew each other. There was always this community feel. I would call all my friends’ mothers, thia [aunt]. In high school, it wasn’t like that. A lot of times, my parents had trouble letting me go to other people’s houses. They never let me sleep over at an “American” person’s house. Just because they didn’t know and trust the parents. I feel like it was more of a transition for my parents than it was for me to let their kids go out into the world and be friends with people they didn’t trust and whose backgrounds we weren’t familiar with and were very different from ours. Some of the things that I figured out in high school were my friends from grade school are like my life-long friends. In high school, the people you meet, come and go. I kind of struggled with that a little bit because I was always so used to everyone I was friends with being a permanent friend. In high school, sometimes the people I would meet would change and stuff, and they didn’t really want to be friends anymore. That was something I really struggled with. Because with my Greek friends, when one of them would start changing or we would grow a part, despite our differences, we would always still have our backgrounds in common. No matter how different our lives got, we always just understood each other so much better than I ever could understand a non-Greek person. So that was also a big transition. It was also just kind of different dealing with people who had different values than me. For me, I’m not particularly religious. But going to church, the social aspect of it, is very important to me because that’s where my family is and all my relatives and all my friends from grade school. We all go to the same church as well. That’s not necessarily important to other people in high school and college.

Q: How did you then explain your heritage to friends not of Greek descent?

A: For me, growing up in Chicago, there’s just so many Greeks here. Even in my high school, there were a lot of Greek kids there. It was like our friends, who were not Greek, kind of wanted to be like us and wanted to be Greek. Sometimes, we would bring them to church with us and bring them to our family dinners. They would also start calling my yiayia [grandmother] and pappou [grandfather] – yiayia and pappou— and start using our Greek words. They wanted to be like us. I thought that was really cool. I never felt like I was not accepted or ever felt like the outcast or anything. I felt like I had something really special and people wanted to be like me. I never had trouble explaining it to them. It was just more of when I got to high school, it was this realization that there’s other people out there. There’s people who grew up differently than me. I just had never really thought about that before or had been exposed to that before.

Q: Now you’re in college and living away from home. What’s that been like for you?

A: That’s been very interesting. Northwestern is a very liberal-minded school. There’s people from all over the world and people of many different religions. You have to always be politically correct as to not offend anyone. Not that I’m saying I offend people. You just have to be much more careful about that. It’s weird because when you’re with your Greek friends, you always assume they will find all the same things funny as you. I feel like my Greek friends just get me more. Even at Northwestern, I have a lot of friends. I’m part of a sorority. I’m on a dance team. I just do a lot of stuff. But kind of my core girlfriends are two other girls who are Greek. I don’t know, we just bond so much better. I feel like we just get each other a lot more because we all grew up in a very similar way. I do have many friends who are not Greek. But even so, the ones who grew up in a similar way to me, we just bond better and understand each other more.

Q: In your room here at school, do you have any objects that you associate with your Greek heritage?

A: Yes. In my dorm room, I have one wall that’s all postcards of Greece and places I’ve been to in Greece. Every time I go to Greece, it’s just so beautiful there and I want to take a piece of it home. I always end up taking stacks of postcards home with me. So I have those all on one wall. But at my house at home, in our basement, one wall is a gigantic map of Greece. My basement is pretty much a tribute to Greece. We have posters of the Athens 2004 Olympics and the Euro Cup championship. Both of my brothers have Greek flags hanging in their rooms. For me, it’s mostly the postcards.

Q: Do you listen to Greek music?

A: Oh yeah, definitely. My current favorite song is “H Ekti Esthisi” [Sixth Sense] by Christina Koletsa. That’s my favorite song right now. I listen to Antique and Kalomira. Also Elena Paparizou, who I think out of American and Greek singers, is one the best singer I’ve ever heard. I love Greek music.

Q: How do you keep up with Greek music? Do you buy it or swap music with relatives or friends in Greece?

A: I was in Greece over the summer and I brought my computer with me. It was funny because my cousins all listen to American music, but I listen to Greek music more. We loved each other’s music, so we just sat there one day and took our flash drives and traded music. It took an entire day. I gave them my entire music library, and they gave me theirs. So that was how I got the most updated songs. But I usually just try to find out from websites what the good songs are. I also go to the Greek picnics held at the churches here in Chicago every summer and a lot of times they have CDs on sale there. So I do get one or two of those.

Q: Do you go online to keep up with Greek currents events either here or there?

A: I read Dailyfrappe.com every day. I’ve tried reading Ta Nea’s [Greek newspaper] website. But I know more conversational Greek. When we learned to read and write from kindergarten through eighth grade, we didn’t really focus on newspaper literacy at all. We never did newspapers and stuff. I haven’t had to really read and write much Greek since then. So I can’t just really pick up a newspaper. But I can have a conversation. If I watch the Greek news, I don’t understand a lot of words, but I can understand what’s going on. My dad also gets Greek satellite channels at our house. Those are always on the TV in my house, constantly.

Q: Does your family visit Greece?

A: I’ve been to Greece seven times and I’m 19 years old. So we go every couple of years. But every time I go, I feel like I’m reconnecting with my roots I guess you could say. I love that my relatives there, even though I haven’t seen them in many years, still embrace me as I’d been there the entire time. So that’s really cool and that’s definitely not something that really happens in America at all. If you don’t talk to someone here for a long period of time, it’s just awkward when you try to reconnect with them. My relatives in Greece would just remember random little things about me from the last time I came. For example, say I hadn’t seen them in five years, they would still remember which songs I liked the last time they saw me, or the type of ice cream I liked. It’s just really weird. I feel like they really love me there.

Q: You mentioned before that you were in Greece over the summer and felt like you were reconnecting with your roots. Do you see yourself going there in the future or even ever wanting to live there?

A: When I was growing up, I always wanted to live in Greece when I grew up. But now that  I’ve had an American education, I think the best thing for me would be to work in the United States. But I would really like to go to Greece after I graduate from college for a year and just live there and teach English maybe. I’m not sure, maybe a job possibility. That’s just something I’d really like to do. I would like to be one of those families who have enough money to go every summer. Unfortunately, my family cannot afford that. But I have many friends who go every summer, and I’m really jealous of that. I want my kids to be raised that way and for them to go to Greek school. I want to take them to church on Sundays. I want them to play sports for their church. I want them to have a very strong Greek background. My kids have to know Greek. I don’t care if I don’t marry a Greek guy but my kids have to know Greek. I would like to go to Greece every summer if possible.

Q: You just brought up the possibility of not marrying someone of Greek descent. In terms of thinking about a possible life partner, how does your Greek heritage factor in?

A: That’s really something I’m struggling with right now because I’ve had a boyfriend for a couple years now who’s not Greek. I’m only 19, so marriage is not in the near future. But it is something that is always on the back of my mind. I know my father would never accept a guy who is not Greek. Like that’s just the way it is. Maybe he would accept him after knowing him for a very long time. The way my dad put it is, he doesn’t want to have a family gathering where he cannot speak his native language and he has to do something that’s uncomfortable for him like speaking English. He wants his grandchildren to understand him and his background and everything he’s done for our family, too. That is also very important for me. But maybe it’s just my luck with love. I haven’t found a Greek guy, yet. Probably the ideal thing for me would be to marry a Greek guy. I wouldn’t rule out the possibility of not marrying Greek. But it would make my life and my parents’ lives a lot easier if I could marry a Greek guy. If a guy is Greek, he definitely earns a lot of brownie points from me. But if he’s not, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility. But it would just be harder. There’s also the issue of where would we even get married. I want to get married in the church I was baptized in. I don’t know why but that’s really important for me. If I had to marry someone who was not Greek Orthodox, I would not convert for anyone. He would have to convert for me. So that’s a requirement for me, I think. It would also have to be somebody who would be willing to let our kids go to Greek school and Greek functions and learn Greek. I would want to speak Greek in the home.

Q: In terms of how you perceive your dad’s stance on your relationships, do you feel there’s an expectation for you to live up to?

A: Yeah. It kind of is. He puts a little bit of pressure on me. It’s a hard situation. I understand where he’s coming from exactly. But there’s guys who aren’t Greek who could be good, too, and who might be a good fit for me. But they have to fit my family, too. One of my friends put it like this. If you date somebody who’s Greek, you just don’t date that person, you date the entire family. You have to be on the good side of every single member of that family or else there’s big trouble. That goes for Greeks and non-Greeks dating a Greek person. So it would be so much easier if I could find somebody who is Greek because then I wouldn’t have any trouble with my family. Assuming he’s a good guy, they would love him. So I don’t know. It is kind of a pressure situation, though.

Q: Can you be open with your family about the fact you’re dating somebody who’s not Greek?

A: My family is aware of the fact that I’m dating a non-Greek guy right now. He’s a really good guy. So they like him. But they don’t want me to build a future with him. Yes, they understand there’s nothing wrong with him and he’s a perfectly nice person. He’s a very good person. But they don’t want me marrying him or getting to the age where marriage is a possibility and still being with him. They would like me to find a Greek guy.

Q: This is a theme that comes up in the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Can you relate to that movie in general?

A: A little. I’ve heard people before who’ve said that movie is so extreme and stuff. It’s really not. Yeah, it was exaggerated in some parts. But on Easter, we do cook a lamb on a spit in my backyard and a lot of times in the front yard. If we’re at my yiayia’s [grandmother’s] house for Easter, we’re in the front yard cooking a lamb on the spit and the neighbors see that and they think we’re crazy. But that’s okay. The Windex thing was a little weird. But my pappou’s [grandfather’s] cure-all is tsikoudia [Cretan version of grape-based spirit Raki]. He puts that on everything. Tsikoudia is really strong alcohol. I remember one time I was really young, I scraped my arm and I was bleeding. He just put that on my arm and it actually did feel better. It’s really weird. I guess that’s what the Windex thing in the movie made me think of. I went to Greek school just like that Greek girl in the movie. The whole marriage struggle thing, that’s something I’m struggling with, too. I mean, I’m not at marriage age, yet. But it’s something on the back of my mind, and it’s getting more and more important to me as I get older.

Q: Do you have brothers or sisters?

A: Yes. I have two younger brothers.

Q: To what extent do you feel that these things we’re talking about may or may not apply to your brothers?

A: My parents are a lot more lenient with my brothers. They were a lot more protective of me because I was the oldest and because I was a girl. I feel like my parents wouldn’t care as much if my brothers did not marry a Greek girl. But for me, I feel because my father especially has a very traditional mindset that the male is the dominant one in the family. In order for me to keep my Greekness, an important part of my identity, his train of thought is I have to marry a Greek guy. Because he doesn’t want me accepting another person’s identity as my own. That’s why it’s important to my parents. I understand that. I think a lot of Greek women, myself included, we’re very proud of our Greek identity. But I would never change my own values for somebody else. Like I said earlier, if I’m going to marry someone who’s not Greek, I would never convert to his religion. He has to convert to mine. My kids have to grow up the way I grew up. I want my kids’ dominant identity to be the Greek identity, which is mine.

Q: As you say this, how do you see yourself staying connected to your heritage in the future?

A: Of course going to church is a big thing. Whenever I go home, for just a weekend, usually I’m going to church with my mom. There’s a lot of social things for the Greek youth also. There’s YAL- young adult league. There’s Fanari camp. At my age, we can go back as counselors. Of course, in the summer, I live in the Chicago area and each church has their Greek festival after another. That’s what I do every weekend in the summer. That’s one way I really keep in contact with people. Then there’s a lot of other things. There’s Facebook and My Space and email. A lot of the people I meet over the summers, I keep in touch with them over the school year through Facebook and stuff like that. On my Facebook page, I have listed Greek Orthodox as my “religious beliefs.” And under the “about me” section, I have 100% Greek. That’s a really big pride thing for me. That’s usually, when I’m introducing myself to people, that’s one of the first things I say about myself and stuff.

Q: Do you use any terms to identify yourself like Greek, Greek American, American of Greek descent or something else?

A: When I’m in the United States., I usually say that I’m Greek. Yes, I’m Greek American but everyone in America is American. I feel like when somebody asks me what I am, I always say I’m Greek. I never say I’m Greek American. It’s a given that I’m American. I live here. But my Greek identity is the most important to me, so I usually just say that I’m Greek.

Q: How about when you are in Greece?

A: When I go to Greece, I tell people I’m Greek. So they know I’m not Turkish or something. But because I have an American accent and I’m from America, they can always tell I’m American. Yes, I live in America but I am Greek. So that’s something that kind of annoys me about going to Greece because people will insist I’m American. But I’m not. I’m Greek. Greek is in my blood.

Q: You just said that when you are in Greece, you identify yourself as Greek so you are not perceived as Turkish. Is that an issue in your family?

A: I actually studied abroad in Turkey last summer in Istanbul. I call it Istanbul but everybody else in my family calls it Konstantinoupoli [Constantinople]. That was interesting. I studied abroad there because they had a really good program. I thought it was interesting and I wanted to go and experience something different. But my father didn’t like that at first because of the fighting that’s gone on with Greeks and Turks. But when I got there, when I told Turkish people in Turkey that I was Greek, they were accepting of me. Their train of thought was that I’m like them. I thought that was really cool. People in Turkey seemed a lot more of accepting of the fact that I was Greek than I thought they were going to be. But in Greece, when I told my family that I had been in Turkey, they questioned why I would go there and not study abroad in Greece.

Q: Did those relatives fill you in about their views on Turkey?

A: Yeah. They would tell me that the Turks kept us as slaves for many years, and I shouldn’t have gone there because bad things could have happened to me. But when I was in Turkey, I felt very accepted. I had a lot of fun there. Sure, I kind of know the history behind it and understand why my dad didn’t want me going there. But I feel like that’s kind of in the past and it’s up to my generation to kind of make the two countries get along and see that there’s a lot of common history. Maybe there are different religions but they have a lot in common and they can get along. I think that’s something the older generation is struggling with. But my generation, it’s not really that much of a problem for us.

Q: Before we conclude, is there anything you would like to share?

A: I’m just very proud to be Greek and to have grown up with such a strong Greek identity. I think that’s just in our nature. Part of being Greek is being proud of being Greek. I feel like so many other ethnicities do not have that pride. I feel like that pride is kind of what keeps us going and what transfers that identity from generation to generation. My pride in being Greek has transferred to my friends who are not Greek. They’re proud to have Greek friends. That’s really cool for me. I’m just very proud to be Greek. I want to instill that pride in my children, and hopefully they will in their children. I’m definitely not going to let my identity die out. You know how sometimes in a lot of nationalities, as each generation in the United States goes on and on, the connection to the homeland is less and less there. I don’t want the connection to be lost, at least not in my lifetime.

Q: Thank you for the interview.

A: You’re welcome.